ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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