So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
