If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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