I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
