She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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