Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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