Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
