my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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