I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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