That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize