She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize