he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
