Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
