I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
