I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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