Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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