I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
