ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
