At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need to stop coming to work sober
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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