She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
