Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
