On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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