I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
