I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
