im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
wow bdsm is so cute
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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