I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
