After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
