Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
