it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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