Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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