So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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