dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
