I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
