dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
