i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
