Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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