i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
These tits shall not be calmed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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