I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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