Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
