I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
