The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
