you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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