If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
