I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
vagina is talking i cant
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
