I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
