i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
