i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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