Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize