I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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