problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
