last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
