i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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