Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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