What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
