So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
