i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
