Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
