are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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