Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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