i can't believe i had my finger in that
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
