Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
