Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
