If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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