He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
