Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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