Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
