I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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