I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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