My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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