My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
