so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
