Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
