If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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