Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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