i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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