I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
