You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Someone shattered a urinal.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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