i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
