my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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