My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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