Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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