I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
