she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
be right there i have to get my cape
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
