yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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